Life after Lyme
As unbelievable as it may sound, I have recently had four people reach out to me about Lyme Disease in one week. Four. In one week. In support of Lyme Disease Awareness Month, I am compelled to share my story in hopes of providing light and insight to others who believe themselves to be suffering from Lyme. This was originally written in 2017 for a Lyme support group, when I was just on the other side of being seriously ill. I have revised it to acknowledge the three year journey that it ended up being, and the unexpected role that yoga played in my healing and recovery.
November 15, 2016: “I think I’m going to pass out,” I said to my friend in our weekly Tuesday night Ayurveda class. My body turned into a heavy sandbag and I practically collapsed onto the floor, dizzy, sweating, and ears ringing so loud I couldn’t hear. My teacher, Sonam Targee, gave me some water and helped me to the couch in the sitting area. I remember he said that the shakti (powerful universal energy) was intense in the room that night, and maybe I had felt it, but I knew it was something else.
The days and weeks that followed were a blur of wooziness accompanied by a racing heartbeat, tight chest, shortness of breath, debilitating anxiety, tingling hands, numb fingers, eye floaters, night sweats, chills, and fatigue so extreme I could barely walk (there is a significant difference between tired and Lyme tired). The only way I could get through the day was by taking full droppers of Bach’s Rescue Remedy every hour of the day and night. My symptoms and emotions changed rapidly and I felt like I was losing my mind. How could my strong and healthy body go downhill so quickly and without warning?
Like many Lyme sufferers, I was completely frustrated with the Western medical system after countless doctor’s appointments, blood tests and no concrete answers. My blood lab results would come back with notes like “inconclusive” or “questionable.” My doctor wanted to put me on anxiety medication instead of helping me get to the root of my symptoms. It was maddening.
I made appointments with a Naturopathic Doctor, a Classical Five-Element Acupuncturist, and an Energy Worker. All three of these practitioners had the same response, “You have Lyme.” I decided I would take a chance and start treating my Lyme with these three practitioners and without Western doctors. (Let me be clear that I am not trying to dissuade anyone from Western medicine. If you can get those antibiotics, get them! I am only sharing my story.)
I was put on a strict protocol of homeopathics, herbal tinctures and other natural anti-bacterial supplements that were determined through muscle testing to be the right blend for my body to fight the Lyme bacteria and its various co-infections that I was also suffering from. The acupuncture and energy work helped significantly with my nervous system repair.
I did not magically get better over night with alternative medicine. It was a very long road back to health. For many, many months it was two steps forward, one step back, constantly changing the supplements I was taking to match the way the bacteria was attacking my body. I was full of negative thoughts and nightmares (did you know that Lyme can actually cause psychiatric reactions like depression, bipolar disorder, paranoia, and more?) I suffered from constant headaches, brain fog, unbearable nerve pain in my arms, bone pain in my legs and uncontrollable crying. At my worst, I was so weak that I needed help getting in and out of the bath. At my best, on days when I made it to school, I would sit on the floor and teach my dance students with words and images. I physically could not not dance or practice yoga. I couldn’t eat and sleep came seldom. When I would sleep, I would have the same dream— being caught on a stormy ocean in a boat that was capsizing.
What I didn’t know at the time, but what I can see clearly now, 7 years later, is that I was actually deepening my yoga practice while I was sick. I slowed down (because I had to), I began really tuning in and listening inwardly to my body (because I had to), I began regularly practicing restorative yoga (because it was the only form of asana I could practice), I began a daily practice of journaling in order to track my progress and setbacks (which turned into a gratitude practice), I developed an even greater appreciation for the natural world around me (by hibernating in the winter months and emerging with the sun in the spring), and I discovered the power of affirmations and mantra (by “chance,” to help re-pattern my negative thoughts).
I realize that I am one of the “lucky” ones. I acknowledge that some people suffer for years before they get answers, and some people suffer for a lifetime without recovering. The fact that I had answers within two months of significant symptoms was truly a gift from the heavens and was huge in terms of my recovery and overall livelihood.
Today, I consider myself to be fully recovered from this terrible disease, and have not relapsed since 2019. However, I don’t (and never did) feel like “myself” again in the old sense of the word. The disease changed me and it changed the way I live my life, and I am ok with that. I find myself grateful for the unexpected lessons on inward reflection, patience and acceptance. I gained a new understanding of “self-care,” and with that, discipline. I know on a deeply personal level what it means to truly surrender to something higher and open to Grace. As odd as it may sound, my experience with Lyme, in some ways, was actually the thing that showed me the way to the path of yoga.
An after-thought on the power of mantra:
Baba Muktananda said that mantras have the power to purify and heal us. When I remember this and repeat the mantras that I consider to be my healing mantras, I can immediately feel their power. I know that they are working.
If you hear a mantra that resonates with you, chances are, it’s for you.